It needs to change.

I’m lying here in my bed and it’s 1:40am. I can hear the gentle rain hitting the concrete and the cool breeze tumbling through the trees.
My head aches, and I can’t rest.

I’m supposed to take a calculus exam in the morning. I haven’t applied myself for weeks, and have such a pathetic spiraling amount of self pity that it’s humorously difficult to bring myself out of it.
I catch myself drawing nature scenes with mountains and soaring eagles, creatures from other worlds, on the sides of my papers.
The technical studies are not for me.

I feel awful, really. It’s not because people are telling me I should be ashamed of myself for not caring about my college courses… rather I can imagine them snarling at me about it.
I struggle with the thought that my worth is determined by my GPA.

I don’t have the motivation to complete school just because people said it’d be worth it. So far, I’ve had to pay hundreds of dollars in text books for classes that hardly use the books, toward an unknown, “worth it” career. The most that has come of this is Brandon.

I met him in lab chemistry last quarter, and we’ve been inseparable for months. I’ve never felt more appreciated by a person before. He tries to get me to try in calculus and physics, but the only thing I can focus on is the idea of  being done for the year, working in the garden and going on a hike or two.

I’m unhappy with my job, school, where I live, and society. Around me, college students earn their degrees just to go back to sitting on the couch playing video games, wondering what next? My job pays too little, my boss is nuts. I’m tired of living with my parents. Our lifestyles and beliefs are so different there’s a constant clash.

I want change, but am terrified of the very thing that may set me free.

I just needed to write.


When physics lets me down.

So done.


How the Media Portrayed Women in 2013

As the majority of advertising stoops to new lows, it becomes more evident how there are two different societies that exist. There’s the society that people think/want to live in, and the society they do live in.

There are the natural people, and there are the “computer generated” people, as portrayed by the media. All too often, human beings of both genders aspire to be like these pore-lacking, tan-skinned, digitally rebuilt/enhanced models. These models frequently don’t even look like their digitally-enhanced selves. To try and change one’s body to fit the specs of an inhuman, unnatural thing, is unwise; it endangers one’s health, and encourages the problem.

So why do we do it?

Advertisements. “That can’t be the case. I just tune them out,” I said, until I heard this woman speak….

Just look a little closer; realize you are beautiful how you are, how loved you are, how much of an angel you are, without being in a Victoria’s Secret fashion spread.