Get on the horse.

I often define myself by my irrational fears. Evergoing thoughts about my own dystopic future, and regrets about the long gone past.

I worry about making the wrong decisions and never being able to correct my errors, or how my past decisions could be the errors that completely define my future. Come on, you know you do it too, even if it’s infrequent. 😜

I personally have trouble keeping on because I have no confidence or courage.

You know, this one time, I was really worried I was going to fail a math class, and I didn’t know what I was going to do if I did. If I fail this class, I won’t receive financial aid, then I won’t be able to attend school, then I won’t be able to land a job. I’ll be homeless then die! I thought. I shamefully dragged my way on over to a college counselor and told him my problem. My own judgment was crippling me on the inside, but at the time, I didn’t slow down to realize it was mine and not his. He advised me, and that was his job. My job was to take it and just deal with the situation. [I did, and didn’t fail, due to a burst of motivation in the final moments].

I didn’t really want to deal with my problem, I’ll give you that. I don’t enjoy confronting my fears, especially when it involves the possible judgment from others. But there the solution sat, in a nice shirt and tie, about to tell me it’s going to be fine and I’d be able to do this, that and the other. Just going to him took a load of anxiety off my chest. Overcoming my fear of confrontation was a huge feat of mental strength.

Then it hit me. This whole time, I have been responsible for all of my actions and their consequences. I chose to let it or make it happen; I chose  to be upset about it. Most importantly, I chose to pick myself up and keep going, even if it was emotionally and energetically taxing. I could get myself into a metaphorical pit of quicksand and there’d always be a way out, difficult or easy, slow or fast.

It’ll work out in the end if you let it.
You’re the boss of your life, now act the part.

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A cute photo of me and this invasive Tent Caterpillar who decided to hop on my shoe for a ride.